About
Free Speech Troll
This blog makes you eat the First Amendment for breakfast and shit constitutional bricks by lunch. It dissects landmark free speech cases with a scalpel of profanity, then bludgeons U.S. jurisprudence with phallic humor and red-hot legal rage. Imagine if a con law textbook took too much Adderall and started a podcast from a padded cell. If you’re here for civility, go watch PBS and cry into your pocket Constitution.
To My Legally Informed Dick
Congratu-fucking-lations. By entering this site, you are now eligible to know your rights transform your sorry carcass into the unapologetic face of First Amendment use—and abuse. This blog exists to weaponize your ass, so that it expels constitutional insight like an RPG aimed at the dumbfuckery that defines these United Shitnozzles of America.
This isn’t law school. This isn’t even school. This is a civics class taught by a rabid raccoon that takes violent shits on American jurisprudence while high on footnotes and judicial dissents. And very soon, you’ll be bitten. Then you’ll be the most legally informed and offensively articulate animal that never went to law school.
Who the Fuck am I?
I’m the legally confused loudmouth with a keyboard addiction and a deeply dysfunctional relationship with the First Amendment. I take Supreme Court decisions, wrap them in sarcasm, roll them in profanity, and deep-fry them in constitutional grease. I’m not your professor. I’m not your therapist. I’m the raccoon in a powdered wig screaming case law into a megaphone.
Who the Fuck are You?
You’re either a curious bystander or someone who Googled “how to yell ‘fuck’ at a judge and not be held in contempt of court.” Either way, you’re here—which means you give a flying fuck about what the Constitution lets you scream at the President, your neighbor, or the nearest DMV clerk.
Who the Fuck are They?
“They” are the judges, legislative wankers, asshats in suits, and power-drunk officials who keep trying to muzzle the masses because someone said a naughty word. This blog tells you how you can tell “them” to shove their mouths up their collective ass and respect your Goddamned Right to be a sarcastic asshole with legal precedent on your side.
Follow Along (But Not Like a Creep)
Stay up to date on endless legal knowledge disguised as angry dick jokes and scatological wrath. You’ll laugh, cry Bald Eagle tears, and scream “Objection!” at your mother, your employer, and every average fuckface cockgoblin who dares disrespect your right to be a walking First Amendment troll.
Get in Touch (But Not Like a Cop)
Got thoughts? Questions? Praise wrapped in legal hypotheticals? Cool.
Drop a message unless you’re a narc.
Legal complaints may be mailed directly to the trash.
Free Speech Troll 