The Dickwaffle Quarterly
Posts
Lorem ipsum my fuckin’ ass. Latin placeholders got some sass. Pardon my profanity, my lawful dickwaffle. I wrote this for my sanity, ’cause I like awful falafel.
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What happens when you take one of the most iconic hip-hop tracks of the ’90s—De La Soul’s Stakes Is High—and repurpose it into a lyrical firebomb aimed at hypocrisy, censorship, Zionism, corporate corruption, and constitutional decay? You get Mistakes Is High.A parody. A protest. A warning shot. I wrote this track as part of the…
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“The future is coming on…” That line hits different when it’s paired with footage of actual devastation, disinformation, and the dead-eyed smirk of bipartisan complicity. This isn’t just a lyric video anymore.It’s a visual indictment.It’s Clint Eastwood filtered through a cracked lens, set to headlines, airstrikes, courtroom clips, and the slow, smug rise of authoritarianism…
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The future isn’t just coming on. It’s barging in, boots muddy, holding a press badge in one hand and a drone controller in the other. It’s Coming On is my latest political parody—set to the famously off-kilter beat of Gorillaz’s Clint Eastwood. But instead of cartoon apes and spooky nihilism, we’re dealing with censorship, foreign…
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Donald Trump is back. ICE is bigger. CECOT is still a dystopian nightmare dressed up as security theater. And guess what? I made a 7-minute animated rap parody about it because why the hell not. Deportation Nation is my satirical remix of Afroman’s “Crazy Rap”—reloaded with blunt-force political rage, court-grade parody protections, and the kind…
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⚠️This is a motherfuckin’ excerpt from my upcoming book. If you are confused, you should be. That just means you should follow this blog and buy the goddamn book when it’s out. A Constitutional Seizure: The Brief Return of Regular Sucky Balls (Clear and Present Danger) Amid WWII Judicial Epilepsy—and the Rise of Flip-a-Coin Ball…
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They came. They sang. They blurred their faces.Two brave souls gave voice (and a lot of breath support) to my satirical SATB parody of Amazing Grace, lovingly titled Amazing Waste, in honor of everyone’s favorite constitutional half-king, James Madison. The video also features a raccoon threatening America, a burning flag, and deeply confused harmonies. It’s…
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For my first motherfuckin’ dumpster dive, I dug out a blog post from some website called The Lone Cactus, whose owner appears to have not just a raging MAGA hard-on, but full-blown Orange Fuckface priapism. Side effects include blood flow away from the brain (that’s where thinking happens, ladies and germs) and to the penis,…
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⚠️ Excerpt from Part 1 of my book. It’s about how interstate commerce and fake milk helped expand free speech in America. If that doesn’t arouse your curiosity, go watch Cornhub. Preferred Freedoms Doctrine (or How a Free Speech Doctrine Magically Materializes From a Footnote to Boring Economic Stuff About “Filled Milk”) Yeah. That’s right. American…
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Founding Fathers Diss Track Vol. IV Benjamin “Big Benjie” Franklin Known For: Drafting the Declaration of Independence and U.S. Constitution, inventing pretty much everything EXCEPT electricity, writing Poor Richard’s Almanack, sleeping his way through France, magically transforming international diplomacy into 18th century Viagra Roast Status: Positively Charged, Morally Erect Legacy: Half the country thinks he…
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Free Speech Troll 